Brilliant Parenting

Most parents know it is important to listen to their children, but with all that goes on in a day, listening becomes a multi-tasking skill done while driving, cleaning, watching television, folding laundry, etc. I once read a story that made me realize I need to stop what I am doing sometimes, and just listen.

In the story, a mother had a young daughter who would call her name over and over, “Mommy, mommy, mommy.” Until exasperated, her mother would scream, “What do you want?”  One day, she finally asked her daughter, “Why do you make me yell at you before you tell me what you want?” The little girl said, “Because you do not look at me until you yell.”

Like the mother in the story, you may be trying to accomplish as much as you can each day, so you listen as you work. Unfortunately, if you do not stop and give your children your full attention, good eye contact and a genuine interest that encourages them to open up and share more of themselves, you may not find out what is really going on in their lives and in their heads.

Decide to make time everyday to really listen to your children. You do not have to spend hours, but if you can give each child 10-15 minutes of your undivided attention, you will begin to build the trust that encourages them to willingly and truthfully share their thoughts with you. Your relationships will deepen so you can discover what each child needs. (Make sure you share this responsibility with your spouse, in case your time is limited, and especially if you have several children.)

Just think, this could be the month you start to experience more peace and joy with your children. You can leave the “March Madness” behind and ease into an “Appreciative April.” Make it happen folks, listen with your ears, your eyes, and your heart.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Over the next week, give your child your undivided attention for 10-15 minutes each day. Make note of how your relationship with your child is changing because of this. 

by Emily Osburne

After two years of interviewing couples, asking them, “What advice can you give us about creating a phenomenal marriage?” Clay and I have clung to one practical answer on a daily basis. David and Kim Faison introduced us to “Couch Time,” a 15-minute respite from the demands of work and family, a time to relax and reconnect without any distractions. Clay and I simply sit on the couch and focus our complete attention on one another for fifteen short minutes. We call this our “falling in love all over again” time.

When we tell couples about Couch Time, we often get one of the following responses:

1.) “Fifteen minutes is not enough! I need more quality time with my spouse than that.” You are right! We often spend longer than just fifteen minutes, but this is the minimum requirement. On busy days, it might be all we can squeeze in, but on Saturdays and Sundays, we take more time.

2.) “We are so busy! I don’t think we can spare fifteen minutes everyday.” To that argument, I must say that you will make time for things you truly care about. You make time for your favorite TV shows. You will rearrange your entire schedule for a hair appointment. Make this appointment and you will find time to fit it in. You will never regret it.

A Few Handy Tips for Couch Time

• Turn off all electronic devices.

• Train your children to give Mommy and Daddy that time each night.  Unless someone is bleeding or crying, it will have to wait until Couch Time is over.

• Do not get stuck talking about the same impossible argument each night. 

• Give each person time to talk and time to listen.

• Bring your calendar to the couch so you can synchronize your schedules.

• On busy days, set a kitchen timer to go off after fifteen minutes.

• End the meeting with a prayer.

About the Author:  Emily Osburne published her first book, Everyday Experts on Marriage, in 2006. She and her husband, Clay, lead marriage workshops in the Greater Atlanta Area. They have a golden retriever named Shelby and are currently in the process of adopting a little girl from China. To learn more about Emily, visit her website at www.emilyosburne.com. She may be reached via email at emily@everydayexperts.com.

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YOUR ASSIGNMENT

1. Schedule in 15 minutes of Couch Time into your calendar at least two times this week.

2. Increase Couch Time to four times next week.

3. In the third week, increase Couch Time to daily.

 

I would love to hear how Couch Time has enhanced your relationship with your spouse! Send an email to kristi@coachkristi.com.

It’s that time of year—so much to do and so little time to just be with your kids. Instead of doing everything yourself, try doing things together—wrapping presents, decorating the house, even cooking. Here are a few ways to make it fun:

• Reminisce about past holiday memories while you decorate.
• Let one of the children read you a Christmas or Hanukah story while you are wrapping presents or cooking.
• If there is cleaning to be done, clean together in the same room and play fun, wacky Christmas music and sing while you work. You can use your computer to buy fun songs at www.itunes.com (if your children are small, look in the children’s genre), then download them onto your computer and then put them onto your iPod or MP3 player, or you can even burn a CD. It’s easy!

Put the fun and togetherness into your extra daily tasks and make each other smile this holiday season! J

There are so many creative ways of putting fun into the holidays. Use these tips, or come up with your own!

Let me know how YOU and YOUR family put the fun into the holidays by adding your comment here!

Warmly,

Coach Kristi